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Obviously, it would suck to lose that ability at the beginning, but under your conditions, you literally CAN'T jerk off, so you don't have to worry about having to restrain yourself from doing so. That would be much worse. If the Devil came up to me and said, "Listen Fucko, you can fly now. But the second you jerk off, you drop dead," then I'd be fucked. I'd never make it if I couldn't jerk off but still had the ability to do so.

But if I were rendered autoerotically impotent? I'll trade that to fly any fucking day. It would be a relief, frankly. And no one on the ground would have to worry about me skyjerking. Because if I were high enough in the air and no one was looking, I would certainly be tempted. Imagine the sordid thrill you'd get masturbating 1, feet over NYC without people knowing you were doing it.

Do you think Casey Anthony had lesbian jail sex?

If not, when was the last time you think she had sex? I bet she's had sex since being released. And I really hope she had lesbian jail sex. I don't think she had lesbian jail sex because I think you only dedicate yourself fully to prison homosexuality once you've been found guilty. For example, let's say someone accused me of killing Will Leitch. Not that I would kill Leitch. He's all right, I guess. But anyway, Leitch is found brutally murdered and I'm the chief suspect, so then I get thrown in county while I stand trial.

If the choice is mine and that's obviously not a given , there's NO WAY I'm turning prison gay until that conviction comes down. But after I get that life sentence? Hey look, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. And if that means a man has to sell his anus to get the occasional ounce of weed during a life sentence, then I have a hard choice to make.

My dog woke me up at in the morning yesterday to go to the bathroom, and then stupidly wanted to play. Which got me to thinking: what's the worst time in the night to be woken up by a baby, pet, or other interruption?

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Assuming it's a weeknight, work the next morning, no alcohol, etc. Closer to midnight is worse, and the reason why is because you've just entered the deepest stages of slumber assuming, as Johnny noted, you're sober and going to bed around 10 or 11 or whatever. I can only speak for myself on this, but when I get woken up at midnight by a fucking dog or a fucking kid, I feel like someone just punched me out of a coma. I barely know where I am. A little later, the waitress comes out with the Eggs Benedict, served on hubcaps.

Surprised, he asks why the hubcaps instead of regular plates? Is Christmas the one day of the year we can all say our children are truly gifted! What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an iPad? Why do you have to make sure the fire is out for Santa Claus coming down the chimney? Once there was a Tsar in Russia whose name was Rudolph the Great.


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One day as he was standing in his house with his wife he looked out the window and saw something happening. But Rudolph knew better. Lo and behold, they step outside and discover it was in fact rain. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear! I was fed up by the time I got to my last present so I wrapped it up. Scrooge loves all the male reindeer, because every buck is dear to him.

I Didn't Like Gay People - YouTuber KARIM JOVIAN's Story

Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Then there was the golfer who played on Christmas and hit a birdie. It was a partridge on a par 3. The garden center got all spruced up to sell Christmas trees. Skip to content Home Posts tagged 'sheep'. The worse, the better.

Enjoy or endure! I went to the doctors today about my addiction to astrology. For Sale: Grandfather clock — only one part missing. Second hand. My wife asked me to fix a plug for her this morning. I refused. Scientists who were against genetic engineering have managed to cross a seagull with a sheep, which is a massive ewe tern. To help change her appearance my missus has started using clay facials with cucumber slices over her eyes and her hair in rollers.

I got stopped by a policeman while I was driving along the road. So; if men are from Mars and women are from Venus, do gay men come from Uranus? What did Adam say the day before Christmas? The Christmas alphabet has no L. What does Tarzan sing at Christmas time? Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.

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What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas? How do sheep in Spain say Merry Christmas? Fleece Navidad! Platform shoes. Silent Night. Before it starts to sell its Christmas trees the garden center gets really spruced up! Because every buck is dear to him. What nationality is Santa Claus?

North Polish. Because he had low elf esteem.

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What Santa had a motorbike instead of a sleigh, what kind would it be? A Holly Davidson of course! If Santa and Mrs. Claus had a baby, what would he be? A subordinate Claus. What does a reindeer do when he has an upset stomach? He takes an elk-a-seltzer. Toggle navigation Home. Contact Copyright Privacy. Book file PDF easily for everyone and every device.